While expecting that first baby, it can be overwhelming trying to navigate all the advice being thrown at you. Well-meaning friends or family members, parenting books, and, of course, the internet will all have vastly contradictory parenting advice.
Are you going to be a “gentle parent?” Are you going to stick to routines and schedules, or go-with-the-flow? Whatever your plan is, here is some advice from a mom of two, that helped me raise two sweet kiddos. Much of this is NOT what the internet suggested!
- Expect your kids to help with chores. Right from the beginning, make it known that they are a part of the household, and they are expected to help. For the littlest ones, this can mean scooping the coffee grounds into the coffee pot, sweeping up the floor, wiping up the windows (you can use vinegar if you want to avoid Windex), watering the plants, brushing the dog, or helping unload the dishwasher. My toddlers used to hand me plates from the dishwasher, and I would put them into the cabinets. Now that my kids are bigger, they have the expectation that we are a team, and we work together. This is much easier to teach from the very beginning, then it is to spring on a seven-year-old who expects to lay around relaxing with their feet up all day.
- Let your kids be bored. This is so important and will benefit your kids forever. It’s easy to fall into the habit of handing your kids a screen or telling them to go watch TV every time they get bored (or get on your nerves). You MUST let them be bored. When we would take my young kids out to dinner, everyone would constantly hand my kids their phones to play on. My mother-in-law- was a prime offender. As soon as we sat down, she would whip out her phone and hand it to my toddler. I would have to politely say, “Actually, she needs to learn to wait patiently,” and pry the phone from her little hand. Whether it’s the grocery store, older siblings after school activities, carpool lines, or those long afternoons where you just want some peace and quiet, let them be bored. This is going to be hard, but you can do it! Being able to cope with boredom is a life skill. Will they wreck the house? Yes, probably. Is it a lot harder to have them running around causing havoc than having them glued to their screens? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes.
- Manners, manners, manners. There I said it. How do you teach them manners? You use your manners. If you constantly say please and thank you, they will pick it up naturally. Especially if you are a SAHM and your kids are out and about with you all day, you can demonstrate courtesy in how you deal with the grocery store employees, waiters, and other people you encounter. Remember you can tell your kids how to act all day, but they are watching you and will emulate your behavior. Let’s try to raise courteous kids.
- Actions have consequences. It is very important that you let them fail occasionally. You can explain to a child that whatever crazy scheme they have concocted isn’t going to work, but in their mind, they know that if they could just do it their way, it would have worked. I try to say “go ahead and give it a try,” as much as possible. Then I will sit back and let them fail. If you protect your kids from making mistakes when they are young, they are going to make really big ones when get older. Having a plan that they were sure was a good one go horribly wrong will teach them how to be safer and which risks aren’t worth it. Let them fail now, when you are right there to pick them back up and offer support (and hopefully advice).
- Do not fall into the habit of asking your kids what they want all the time. Children crave a solid leader, especially when they are little. I see a lot of parents who are constantly putting the burden of decisions on their young kids. It starts out as, “are you hungry?” “Do you want to go now?” “Should we run you a bath” “What do want for dinner?” “What game do you want to play?” Your life will be a thousand percent easier, if you get in the habit of saying, “We are leaving in ten minutes,” or “this is what we are having for dinner.” You are the boss! Stop asking your toddlers what they want, and lay down the expectation early, that you are in charge, and you make the decisions. Constantly making your young child make all the decisions is not being nice. It is acting like you are equals in your household, and you are not. You are the parent and the leader; so lead. You know deep down what your kids want. You know if they are hungry. You are their guide in this big scary world, and if they are going to feel safe with you, you need to take control.